Back online

I last wrote on this blog in early September. Jordan Bateman and I had just finished a large 15th anniversary corporate retrospective for Phantom Screens of Abbotsford. It was definitely the largest project I had ever worked on. 130+ pages of text that was laid out and formatted. A few hundred photos to colour correct and resize. Some very particular clients with a lot at stake. It was fun and I'm incredibly proud of the project.

It was that project that illustrated for me how out of whack my professional life had become. We made a profit... in fact, it was probably the first project I have made a real profit from. That really opened up my eyes.

I'm going to be a bit harsh on myself for a bit. But, bear with me because it has a redemptive ending... well, the ending hasn't happened yet, but the path seems to be turning out to be redemptive.

In addition to my design work, I had been struggling for 2 years with a high-tech marketing company that a friend of mine and I had been keeping afloat by sheer will alone. It was taxing every fibre of my being, my bank account, my health and in August I was ready to just run from everything. That's how bad it had gotten.

So at the same time when I was actually getting a project right for a change, the high-tech company got some new partners and a new lease on life. Suddenly, I didn't feel like I had to carry the whole operation on my own shoulders. I had help and support. We got investors. We started doing intensive planning and dreaming. It was like a real business.

In the space of a few weeks I feel like I went from being a pretend businessman to being legit. I found the ability to ask good questions and make good plans... I went from wanting to cut and run to being ready to build something amazing. I have found resources inside me that I somehow knew were there, but I didn't know how to tap into them.

So, starting December 1st, I go full-time in partnership in a new company called Broadburst that I have been helping to incubate for the past 2 years. It's going to fly and my partners and I are going to be wildly successful. It's a little scary. It means that I'm leaving graphic design as a profession for a time so I can build something that will allow me to build whatever I want in the future.

The other week I had a burst of creativity for myself and I made simple desktop wallpaper. It didn't have any corporate logos or attempt at self-promotion. It was just for me and my desktop so I could remember what I was feeling at that moment. Even though I did the art on my computer, it felt analogue. Here were the words:

"i keep looking around the room and i wonder how i got here. is this me? did i plan this? did god plan this? how come he didn't tell me? what if he did and i didn't listen? so many questions and the future is pretty ambiguous on the ultimate ending. what ending? it doesn't end. why would i want it to? isn't this interesting? isn't this what i wanted? isn't this as far away from boring as i could get? yes. i think this is what i wanted."