What am I laughing about today

Somewhere in a rather hilarious series of emails that I had the (mis)fortune to read all at once at the end of today, my friend Abbey asked what I was laughing about.

I didn't know that I was laughing about anything, but I'm not one to second guess the Abbster! I must have been laughing about something! I just didn't know what. However, I put my rather large brain to the task and efforted to find the answer.

At first, I found one thing: I'm an idiot and I had spent most of the day at the newspaper demonstrating that fact.

Then I went upstairs for dinner and someone had the Westminster Dog Show on TV and then I found out what I was really laughing at! Dog People!!! They are HILARIOUS!!

I love dogs. I do. I think they can be fun and comforting and... fun... They can also be a pain in the ass for their high maintenance. Also, they can pee on you or because of you. Yes, Rosie, I'm talking about you! My friend Judith has two miniature wiener dogs. They are cute as all get out, but one of them, Rosie, has to pee whenever she sees me after an extended absence.

But, back to Dog People! Man, those show dogs are a scream. I saw this classic French Poodle that had the puffy fur coupled with the strategically shaved body. God, it was ugly. I'd never buy one. And I get a kick out of the way the handlers lead the dogs around. Prancing would actually be the word I'm looking for here. The handlers prance.

Abbey, THAT is what I'm laughing at today. That, and something to do with being goosed. I don't know how exactly you are goosing people, but I'm sure I'm not looking forward to getting crossed off your list of victims. Unless, it means I'm getting some inadvertent 'action' -- a welcome thing after many many months (years) of drought.

A refreshing and pleasant Sunday

I found some balance today. I went to a Sunday morning church service for the first time in roughly 8 or 9 months. It was exactly what I needed.

However, this brings up an interesting dilemma: do we go to church for ourselves or for God? This was a question that I overheard the other day -- that so often we look for what church and the community gives ourselves, that we overlook or don't realize that it's not really about us at all. In the grand scheme of things, we're not the reason that we go to church or have relationship with God. God created us to worship him -- that's the reason for our existence. My birth was not for me to get wrapped up in in my life. My birth was to spend my days on earth and, ultimately, in heaven professing my love and giving honour to the creator of the universe.

Wow. Have I been looking at relationship with Jesus all wrong? I think that 'yes' is the answer here. I've spent most of my life looking for fulfillment, thinking it would come about when I got what I needed. Could it be that we find fulfillment when we consider whose needs we're here to fulfill?

As I write this, something in me is really uncomfortable. Really, really uncomfortable. The questions arise: Is my happiness not worth something? Shouldn't I care about that? Is God so unsure of his place in the universe that He had to create a universe to adore Him to help Himself feel good?

I think that misses the point. It's about submission... and I really don't like that word! But, it is about submission! It's about realizing my place in the universe. Realizing that I am a created being and that God loves me. He doesn't need me to say anything to make Him feel better about his deity. He's God!! He can make Himself feel better if that was an issue for Him! However, that again misses the point and I think I'm digressing.

The act of submission is about me recognizing that while I do have problems and issues to face as a man, there is a universe that is so much larger than me and my problems and issues. There is a world of hurt and poverty and want. There is a spiritual battle that wages for eternity. There is so much more than me.

So, while today's trek to Vancouver was a welcome spiritual blessing, I had a realization that I've been looking at my unbalanced life with the wrong glasses. The lens I should be looking through is me in the context of a whole world that needs to see Jesus. As the Isrealites proclaimed on Palm Sunday all those 2,000 years ago, "Hosanna." Hosanna means "God, save us."

God save me. God save this world.

Running like a madman, keeping the ghosts at bay

I know that sounds ominous and perhaps even a little dire. I suppose that's what I've been feeling like for bit, though. So it seemed appropriate.

Business has been good and exciting. My last post notwithstanding, I'm pretty excited about where my worklife is going. I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but I think I could see some really successes in the next few months. It's just going to mean a lot of hard work.

I'm not afraid of hard work. I'm good at it. Sometimes, I just don't know if I want to actually do any hard work!

I should be at a party in Vancouver at this nightclub that BlueCasting is doing business with. I just couldn't bring myself to go. What I really planned to do was go to the social action movie night at Keela's. But by the time I got out of the newspaper today, I was just finished. So, I've been chilling out at home with a book.

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I've been craving spiritual substance for a few weeks now. Although, if I'm really honest, it's been a good 6 or 7 months that I've been feeling the pangs of hunger.

I've been officially churchless since the summer of '06. The first time in over 30 years. Mostly it's been so restful. But, I've come to recognize the truth in that wise saying: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

I've enjoyed my quiet Sundays -- sleeping in, a bit of NFL, more sleeping in... But, I've noticed that my community has significantly shrunk since I left my place of worship. I'm now missing that community, as disfunctional and fractured as it was, and I now see what it really meant to me.

It meant challenge and life and sorrow and worship and joy. It was life-giving, nourishing, painful and maddening. In short, it was what life is really all about.

I've also not been talking with my God much. And I'm now starting to feel empty. Suddenly, you begin to question why you do things -- what is the purpose of it all? Understand, the questions are not meant in the nihilistic, dark sense that foretells of some future tragedy in this man's life. Far from it! It's just that I'm starting to think deeper again and struggling to put perspective to where I'm at.

I know this is a bit disjointed, but it's all in the purpose of me recognizing that I need spiritual community and nourishment again.

I had a very wonderful encounter with the Orthodox faith last Friday night as I took in a Lenten service. It was peaceful and right. There was reverence for the sacred and ancient tradition and solemnity in the words that were spoken. Not like my evangelical/charismatic faith at all! My church for the last 20 years had noise and running kids and chaos. I think that cacophony has its place. But, this service was so polar opposite that I was like a parched man who could hardly sip some water because my body was almost unable to soak it in!

It was a good experience and I want to see more.

Would I become Orthodox? I don't know. I've had conversations with my good friend and have done reading that has blown my mind! It's so different, but I can't ignore that there is something that I need to glean from this far more structured and ancient Christianity.

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On a completely different note: another rat fell victim to the Snare of Death in my ceiling. It was huge and it brought some justification to the odour that had been gently wafting into my basement suite for a few days. With the rat removed, the smell disappeared. Funny how that works.