Running like a madman, keeping the ghosts at bay

I know that sounds ominous and perhaps even a little dire. I suppose that's what I've been feeling like for bit, though. So it seemed appropriate.

Business has been good and exciting. My last post notwithstanding, I'm pretty excited about where my worklife is going. I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but I think I could see some really successes in the next few months. It's just going to mean a lot of hard work.

I'm not afraid of hard work. I'm good at it. Sometimes, I just don't know if I want to actually do any hard work!

I should be at a party in Vancouver at this nightclub that BlueCasting is doing business with. I just couldn't bring myself to go. What I really planned to do was go to the social action movie night at Keela's. But by the time I got out of the newspaper today, I was just finished. So, I've been chilling out at home with a book.

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I've been craving spiritual substance for a few weeks now. Although, if I'm really honest, it's been a good 6 or 7 months that I've been feeling the pangs of hunger.

I've been officially churchless since the summer of '06. The first time in over 30 years. Mostly it's been so restful. But, I've come to recognize the truth in that wise saying: You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

I've enjoyed my quiet Sundays -- sleeping in, a bit of NFL, more sleeping in... But, I've noticed that my community has significantly shrunk since I left my place of worship. I'm now missing that community, as disfunctional and fractured as it was, and I now see what it really meant to me.

It meant challenge and life and sorrow and worship and joy. It was life-giving, nourishing, painful and maddening. In short, it was what life is really all about.

I've also not been talking with my God much. And I'm now starting to feel empty. Suddenly, you begin to question why you do things -- what is the purpose of it all? Understand, the questions are not meant in the nihilistic, dark sense that foretells of some future tragedy in this man's life. Far from it! It's just that I'm starting to think deeper again and struggling to put perspective to where I'm at.

I know this is a bit disjointed, but it's all in the purpose of me recognizing that I need spiritual community and nourishment again.

I had a very wonderful encounter with the Orthodox faith last Friday night as I took in a Lenten service. It was peaceful and right. There was reverence for the sacred and ancient tradition and solemnity in the words that were spoken. Not like my evangelical/charismatic faith at all! My church for the last 20 years had noise and running kids and chaos. I think that cacophony has its place. But, this service was so polar opposite that I was like a parched man who could hardly sip some water because my body was almost unable to soak it in!

It was a good experience and I want to see more.

Would I become Orthodox? I don't know. I've had conversations with my good friend and have done reading that has blown my mind! It's so different, but I can't ignore that there is something that I need to glean from this far more structured and ancient Christianity.

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On a completely different note: another rat fell victim to the Snare of Death in my ceiling. It was huge and it brought some justification to the odour that had been gently wafting into my basement suite for a few days. With the rat removed, the smell disappeared. Funny how that works.